One of our members recently suggested that we write an article about writing a draft of your own obituary.
Upon giving it some thought, we decided that the best advice we could give was not to write your own obituary or eulogy yourself, but to make it easier for those you leave behind to do so. You can do this by providing them with a matrix of information about your personal history which they can draw upon to create whatever might be needed to let others know about your death, honor your life, and help them on their grief journey. You might choose to do this at any time of your life, and re-visit and update it at intervals to keep it fresh.
Your loved ones might draw from this to do several things. For instance, they might: place an obituary in the newspaper; write an online memorial tribute; provide a brief article for an alumni magazine; identify groups or organizations that might want to be notified of your passing; use it to prepare a eulogy; provide background information for an officiant at your funeral or memorial service; and/or use it as a starting point for reminiscing among family and close friends.
You might begin the process by assembling a timeline of important dates and events in your life. Since you’re not trying to write an actual obituary, you should feel free to include listing your accomplishments and honors without worrying about whether it might seem like bragging. It’s simply giving your family some data to draw from.
Such a timeline prepared and shared with family and close friends in advance may introduce them to parts of your life story they never knew about. This may allow for a deeper sense of closure and connection between you and your loved ones before your death than would have been possible before these pieces of your history came to light. It’s a missed opportunity when these events are not dusted off and brought out of the past until after a death. How often have you learned things about a friend or relative at the funeral or wake that greatly enlarged the picture of the person you knew, and wished you’d been able to talk about with them before they died?
Our lives are not defined only by our accomplishments and milestones, however. Round out what you share of yourself with some thoughts about what meant the most to you as you lived your life, lessons learned along the way, people or events that inspired you, and things you’d like others to know about who you are and what you believe in. These are the nuggets of information that bring your history to life. And they are priceless to those you leave behind.
